Week 21: The feeling of pregnancy and the ninth week of sabbatical

Photo: Caitlin Lanctot, my daughter-in-law, close to ninth month of pregnancy.

The end of sabbatical -- time released from the responsibilities of being the pastor of Florece Church -- feels like the end of pregnancy. Nine weeks does not seem long compared to nine months, granted. But the spaciousness of rest and renewal in another land and another language has been filling me with new life. And I am not sure exactly when it will come to birth, or what it will look like.

If I think nine months back, I was returning from my first global trip of this unusual year. Three weeks in Paraguay and Argentina had allowed me to begin speaking Spanish and engaging friends from the Mennonite global community. I had the joy of meeting Sibusisiwe, my sister-link colleague from Zimbabwe. I experienced the grace of being hosted and fed by Cristel Wiebe in the Chaco of Paraguay and Keith and Gretchen Kingsley in the Chaco of Argentina. I loved it! It was more than I could conceive.

And then Advent led to Cambodia. This land half way around the world is where the rest of my family is living right now. The "sabbatical year" blog began with the colors, flavors, heat, hospitality and beauty of the Khmer people. Hmmm...about mid-way through pregnancy...

Now I have one more week to go before returning to Florence. It can feel tempting to try to MAKE this pregnancy burst, to force some outcome emerge, to induce labor, to get this unknown new life ahead of me rolling! But like birth, if I am humble I accept that what only God can grow in me is Mystery. It will take its own time to show its face. And then it will keep growing and changing like the wonder and challenge of a child.

So it is with special delight I return home to Andrew and Caitlin and their expectations for the birth of their first child. Spring is bright, stroked with new shades of green, yellow, pink, red and purple each day. The light here lingers into evening. And I have time -- to wait, to ponder, to read, to write, and to hold the beauty of expectation in my gaze.